Well, at least on OT.

I’m so very happy but so, so very lonely.

(Background: I was asked by a gay guy on a forum what defines sexuality, both personally and socially, from a straight’s perspective. The following essay was my response.)

I think one’s sexuality is defined not only by what they desire sexually, but what they desire emotionally. Both desires pass a threshold of, let’s say, “neutrality” before they reach a level in which your sexuality is defined by them. For example, a straight man can love his friend, just as a gay man can love his straight male friend, but neither of those emotions pass the threshold where they would romantically be involved.

The physical aspect of sexuality is much trickier, because all humans can be sexually stimulated by a wide range of physical pleasures. For example, if you blindfold half of a room full of people of both genders and all sexualities and have the non-blindfolded people stimulate the blindfolded, chances are the gender or sexuality of either party, being unknown, will not make a difference in the level of stimulation the blindfolded receives.

Now, it’s the psychological factor that makes a huge impact, and I believe this largely comes from society. While I believe biology has a GREAT impact in ones sexuality (I never woke up one day and decided, I’m going to find women sexually attractive), it would be a lie to say that society/environment has little or nothing to do with it. In short, I think society’s anti-gay attitude is more of a self-preservation thing than anything else, with no real valid argument. It’s pretty much, “I don’t want these people coming in and taking over my territory. I don’t want these ‘abnormal, inferior’ people to be my equal.” See also: the history of blacks in America.

The impact society has on sexuality is as clear as day. Ask any older gay man about growing up and waiting forever to come out. These days, kids are coming out in droves in their teens. Why? Because it’s far more accepted, far “safer,” much more in the spotlight, talked about all the time, etc. etc. It’s becoming a norm. There’s no doubt in my mind that gay marriage will be legal one day. Homophobia will always remain, just as racism will. It’s the “us versus them” mentality that is as old as civilization.

With all that, if you were to remove the blindfolds mid-session in my previous experiment, those “mismatched” couples, depending on their comfort with their own sexuality and how much they buy in to society’s propaganda (and this comes from both gay and straight society), they may react negative (anger, guilt, aggression, fear, doubt, questioning, etc.), or think, “Meh, it’s just sex.” That’s really all there is to it. A straight man performing homosexual acts with another man cannot turn him gay, because when all is said and done, he has no desire to pursue a romantic relationship with that person. Can a straight guy do this (have sex with another guy)? Absolutely. Can a gay man have sex with a woman? Absolutely. The necessary parts are in place. Now, the question is, is the desire, will, and motivation (beyond simple curiosity and just getting your rocks off) there? The answer is driven by one’s sexuality.

To the people who rushed to get married today, 07/07/07: If you’re relying on superstitious luck to keep your marriage together, you probably shouldn’t be getting married.

…I would look like this.