…but you can at least go back to the structure you once called home and live there. After four years of living in Pennsylvania, I’m going back to Michigan for a new job. It was a very difficult decision, and right now I’m generally confused about my life and what I want to do. I think I may be at a point where I’m reevaluating certain things I’ve wanted to do with my life, and rethinking certain philosophies or beliefs about life in general. There are things that my eighteen year old self has left behind, and I don’t know if they’re unrealistic pipe dreams or things I’m just afraid to go after.

I can’t say I’m happy or excited to leave, because I’m leaving a lot of people I like and an environment which I enjoy and am very comfortable in. I’ve had conflicted feelings about State College for the longest time. Right now I’m reaching far and trying to bundle all the positive feels I’ve had about the area because I’m leaving, but I know for the past year I’ve been vocalizing my disdain for this very place. I’m certainly no stranger to hating my surroundings, though, as I often use “Michigan” or “Detroit” and “shithole” in the same sentence.

This may be the best decision I’ve made. This may be a huge mistake. I do know that I haven’t been extremely happy with my position in life for some time, so that usually means something is either wrong or missing, and there’s only one way to prove that.

I just got off the phone with my childhood best friend who’s currently with the Marines in Quantico, VA. He’s having a kid this coming June. What’s worse is that his little sister is turning 16. I remember when she was running around in diapers; we were 6 years old. I can hear all the 30 and 40 somethings out there laughing it up, but shit, hearing that made me feel old. It’s not like it’s a big deal though, cause I think I’m permanently 18.

In other news, I played Civilization III for 5 hours straight last night, and the only reason why I went to bed at 2AM was because I had to be up at 6AM. It took me at least 3 hours to defeat the Aztecs. It shouldn’t take 3 hours to conquer the Aztecs. I’m hooked.