Today, I saved the life of a big fat fly that found its way up to my room. I suspect that he got in while my dad was working diligently installing windows. I trapped the fly between the window and the screen, but after a few seconds of deliberation and a wave of guilt, I decided this fly deserves to live. I didn’t know who the fly was, or what life he led. I didn’t know if he was a murderer in a past life, and that now was his only chance to repent. I didn’t know that he could possibly save someone’s life in his next life. I opened the window and coaxed him into a Root Beer bottle, which was easy due to his reduced speed by way of his excess weight. I placed my thumb over the opening of the bottle, walked downstairs, opened the back door, opened the screen door to the back porch, and shook the contents of the bottle onto the ground. The fly scurried along the ground, off into the distance, off to live his second chance to its fullest. Here’s to life, Mr. Fly.

My adventure for Nintendo’s latest console is complete. I began my campout this morning at 2:30AM at my local Best Buy, having missed the opportunity to make the midnight launch. I stopped at several Meijers and Wal-Mart stores yesterday evening, but I was already too late. I called the local Toys R Us which was having a midnight launch, and the guy on the other line said there was one hundred and fifty people in line; they only had a hundred units. I called my local Best Buy at around 10:00PM last night. The girl in the media department said they had eighty-seven units and were going to start handing out tickets. I asked how many people were in line, and she said a little over ten were there at that point. I decided to roll the dice and wait a few hours before subjecting myself to the November cold.

I was a bit nervous on my way to the back of the line this morning, as I wasn’t sure if I made it early enough. The guys ahead of me said they counted about fifty or so people ahead of them, and I sure hoped they counted right. Luckily enough, as it turned out, I was number fifty-seven of eighty-seven. It was a cold, cold night, but about as good a cold night in Michigan can be: little or no breeze, no rain, and no snow. It was great to be out there among fellow nerds to be the first to snag Nintendo’s latest system. Most of the time was spent complaining about the cold, with random conversation in between. At around 4:00AM, me and a few others borrowed a Monopoly board from a group down the line and played for about an hour before giving up to the early morning delirium.

At around 6:00 or 7:00AM, the GM came out to the line to lay down the ground rules. I have to commend Best Buy #407 for their organization during the launch. He took down the names of everybody in the line and checked periodically to ensure that everyone was still in their spot. If someone was missing, he or she had five minutes to return before their name was scratched off the list. He even made a very generous offer to the loyal campers, offering 10% above cost on everything else in the store for anyone interested, which he apparently did for the PS3 launch. I couldn’t think of anything else I really wanted that would render a worthy discount, so I decided to stick with the Wii and a couple games.

Shortly after 8:30, he performed his final check and handed out the coveted Wii tickets. This moment was definitely worthy of a photo op:

The final half hour seemed to stretch on for days. The cold was getting colder and it began to drizzle, not unexpected in a typically overcast Michigan morning. When 9:00AM hit, we eagerly filed into the body-thawing warmth of the Best Buy store, one step closer to the Nintendo Wii. Here we waited in another line as the manager paired up each and every ticket holder with a salesperson. While it was slightly irritating to have to wait longer, I can understand why the manager did so. Having worked for Best Buy before, I know they want to maximize their profits during such an event while ensuring that the customers got everything they needed (and be offered things they might not need). The extra half hour wait afforded me the chance to test out some of the demos from the DS Download Center on my DS Lite.

Finally, the moment arrived. I was handed off to my personal salesbot towards the awaiting table loaded with Wii games and accessories. I picked up Zelda: Twighlight Princess (of course) and Call of Duty 3 (being a PC gamer and loving the series as well as WWII games in general, I had to find out how well the first person shooter translates to the Wii). To my disappointment, they had already sold out of the Classic Controller, which I was planning on picking up to play some old Virtual Console games. With my Wii games in hand, I floated to the register and happily exchanged my ticket for the beautiful white box. The end level theme for Super Mario Bros chimed quietly in the back of my head as I proudly walked back to my car through the cold, which had acted as a rite of passage for the past six hours. After a stop at McDonalds for breakfast (gotta get the McDonald’s breakfast when the opportunity arises), I arrived home and crashed for the next five hours, with dreams of the Wii dancing in my head.

I awoke to the little white box staring back at me with its wanton Wii eyes. Without further ado, I excitedly unpacked the box and spread all the parts out. Setting up the Wii is a fairly straightforward process; anyone can handle it without having to consult the instructions, which include a Quick Setup guide. I set the sensor bar on its little stand and put it below the TV (my Sony 30″ WEGA has a curved top to it, so I can’t exactly line it up to the edge). The initial setup requires a few basic settings, such as placement of the sensor bar, hand orientation, and screen size. After that, I entered the settings for my wireless router in the Wii Settings menu. Entering information is a synch with the Wiimote, far easier than with the conventional gamepad as with all other consoles. The next step was creating my Mii, making him look as close as possible to…me. I may need to make some adjustments, as he appears a little creepier than I actually am.

This is where the fun begins. My first test is Wii Sports, the pack-in title. I wanted to run through all the games to get a good feel for the system. I fired up Tennis first as the obvious choice, as the video game forefathers paved the way with their own little version of tennis a few decades ago. I had a huge grin on my face from the first serve. I had high hopes for this system, and to my delight, with each pop of the ball against the racket, it became more and more obvious that Nintendo has met my expectations. I laughed to myself, thinking, “This is unreal.” Having been brought up on the 2600, then the NES, moving to the SNES, and graduating to the PC, I’ve had many a great moment in my own video game history, and this, easily, has hit the top five. After having experienced the many technological advances over time, here I am, swinging my arm in a simple game of tennis, and I am simply awestruck. I wanted to run through the house and bring everyone into my room to share the experience, but I couldn’t peel myself away from the TV.

Bowling was next. Being a big fan of bowling, I finally a way to play without the choking fog of cigarette smoke and bad music. At this point, I wanted to unplug the Wii and bring it down to the living room to show everyone, but I didn’t feel like navigating my way around my parents’ makeshift A/V setup. The controls are a bit different here, but very intuitive. The nice (and extremely intelligent) thing about Wii Sports is that it gives you instructions on how to control each game. There’s no need to consult the manual or go through any strenuous training exercises; at most, you spend a minute or two practicing the motions, as in Boxing and Golf, but in the others, a simply picture in the bottom right-hand corner instructs you on how to handle the game. After seeing this, Nintendo’s vision of creating a family friendly console for gamers and non-gamers alike became perfectly clear. This is a system I can see having a group of friends gather around at a party to play. They don’t need to know a thing about the system in order to join in, and within minutes, everyone can be enjoying a rousing game of Bowling or Tennis. With future titles down the pike that have this very concept in mind, there is no doubt that the Nintendo Wii is truly the “party system.”

The next game on the list is Baseball. I wasn’t as completely impressed by this as the others. The mechanics of the game are very simplified. You don’t control the running between bases or the players on the field; you either bat or pitch. I can’t complain much there, as Wii Sports is simply a pack-in title meant to demonstrate, entertain, and entice. Full featured sporting titles are best left for the professionals. Batting is very fun, though, and very intuitive in its controls. Being someone who is not into sports whatsoever, and who hasn’t played very many sport video games, I found myself thinking, “This might be the only system I ever get into sports with.” If the Wii can convince me to play sports games, then it’s pretty clear that Nintendo is well on its way to turning a few heads.

Golf is another straightforward game which I somewhat sped through. Of all the games available, Golf is probably the lowest on my level of interest. I didn’t spend a lot of time here, mostly speeding through to get to Boxing. Had I paid better attention, I may have enjoyed it more. I’m sure this is one that will grow on me with time.

Boxing is a trip, plain and simple. This is where the control scheme really comes into play, and is probably, out of all the games, the most embarrassing to play due to all the lifelike motions. One thing I had not known prior about the Wii, which was a pleasant surprise, is that the nunchuck controller is also motion sensored. Previously, I had thought only the Wiimote was. This was definitely an exciting discovery. Boxing game is a ton of fun, and a great workout to boot. I was somewhat disappointed that the computer player wasn’t very challenging. I’m not sure if there is a setting for difficulty or not, but I wished that the computer would give me a run for my money. I grinned with excitement, imagining a great classic series making a comeback on the Wii: Punch Out! I would be shocked if Nintendo doesn’t come out with an installment for its newest system, which almost seems like it’s made specifically for it. Multiplayer Punch Out over the net? Yes, please.

There are few experiences for me in which aren’t ruined by hype and high expectations, and this certainly one of them. I have been waiting for the Wii for several months, eager to return to my post as a Nintendo loyalist and own a console system, which I have not done since the SNES. The Wii has met, and possibly exceeded my expectations simply with its pack-in title; I haven’t even plugged Twighlight Princess in yet. Do I have any criticisms? A few, sure, and perhaps more will boil to the surface once the initial glow wears off. But I’m not expecting to be let down any time soon. One thing is for certain: Nintendo has struck gold here. What does this mean for the market and for its competition? I couldn’t care less. Do I think Nintendo can actually reel in the non-gamer market that it has sought out for with the Wii? With its price point, practically non-existent learning curve, high fun factor, and multiplayer capabilities, I wouldn’t doubt it. With all the great group-oriented games coming down the pike, along with its online capabilities and Virtual Console games (Nintendo nostalgia is everywhere; it’s a gold mine), Nintendo has everything it needs to capture that market. Only time will tell if that will happen. I can certainly say it’s great to be back, Nintendo.

(This message was originally posted on the trailofdead.org forum. It has been edited to make sense outside of the forum)

Fucking hell. What a day and night. The fun began in Utica at the in-store. The guys were a bit late getting to the store (thanks to the assfuck tire slashers in Columbus), but no big deal. I met silvergirl (from the forum) and her boyfriend there, and we chatted a bit about Detroit, their trip from Canada, and of course, Trail of Dead. When the curtain opened, the lights were dimmed and we all filed into the performance area. The performance room was pretty small and had a few chairs and couches, which made for a very intimate setting. The band was in good spirits, especially Conrad, who was talkative between songs. They played five songs in total:

The Porpoise Song
Crowning of a Heart
The Rest Will Follow
Another Morning Stoner
Source Tags and Codes

After the set, they signed autographs and pretty much just hung out with the fans. I got all of their autographs and spoke with each of them briefly. I recommended the new Brian Wilson biography (Catch a Wave) to Conrad, as I knew he is a big fan. All of them were very nice and talkative. These guys are definitely the most approachable rock stars I’ve ever met. On cloud nine with my mind racing, I went back home in preparation for the amazing night ahead of me.

The show at the Majestic was mind boggling. It was everything I expected and more. They sounded very tight and were very into it. Jason took command of the crowd when he came up for his songs…he brought the house down with Caterwaul and kicked us in the face with Homage. He was running all around the stage, running into Kevin and falling over, rolling over to the edge of the stage. Here’s the set, slightly misordered (and possibly missing a couple songs):

Mistakes and Regrets
Stand in Silence
It Was There That I Saw You
Caterwaul
Homage
Aged Dolls
Clair de Lune
Relative Ways
Will You Smile Again?
Another Morning Stoner
Totally Natural

During Totally Natural, they knocked the drums over continued making noise. They salvaged the massacred drum set and busted into a tribal drum circle (I think it was Jason, Donni, Danny, and the drummer from the Blood Brothers). As they began to leave the stage, Conrad threw his guitar down and bid farewell to the crowd. Amazing.

After the set, I met up again with silvergirl. She was going to find out what they were doing for an afterparty. I caught her earlier between sets and she said that Jason was looking for a place to DJ. I had my friend call the bar which we regular to see if they could host, but no dice, unfortunately. When I was buying a shirt, my friends caught up with Jason and chatted him up. We tried to get him to come up to the bar anyway, but he decided to stick closer to home at the Garden Bowl bar (the Majestic/Magic Stick/Garden Bowl is a big venue (Majestic), restaurant, bar, bowling alley, and smaller venue (Magic Stick, above the Garden Bowl) all connected together). We met up again with silvergirl and her boyfriend and went over to the bar.

Eventually, Jason came over to the bar, and we all sat around drinking and talking. My friend Elaine and him talked mostly about electronic music and hip hop and all that…it was very cool. We did a shot, had a few drinks, and had a grand ol’ time. After the bar closed, we (my friend and I, silvergirl and her boyfriend) went with Jason to their tour bus and hung out for a bit (unfortunately, only for about a half hour, but it seemed longer). Danny, Donni, Kevin, and a few other guys were playing XBox in the back. Jason and Danny showed us the records they just bought at the store. The whole experience was just surreal.

When all was said and done, we bid our farewells and were on our way. We were in awe at what just happened. It was amazing. It was more than I could have ever dreamed of. Pure insanity. We considered driving to Toronto for tonight’s show, but decided to let last night stand alone in the history books. It would have been sweet to make the trip, but probably not as perfect as last night was.

Thank you once again Jason and Trail of Dead for an amazing night. You will always have friends in Detroit.

I’ll be posting pictures from the in-store performance here shortly.

If you ever wondered what it was like to experience the earth ripping open, swallowing you whole, and spitting you back out into the dawn of a new day, go see Mogwai. Loud, intense, delicate, violent, dreamy. A world on fire. My head is still caved in.

If you don’t get a chance to see them, at least pick up one of their albums. It will quickly become the soundtrack to your life.

For some reason I only feel comfortable being straight forward to those I already know. I guess that’s a stupid statement, because I guess that’s only human. I seem to believe that by pretending to be normal, I won’t scare people away. There’s another silly belief, because it’s not like I have a plethora of people dying to know me. So just be honest…

In some imaginary black and white world, there’s one way to live and then there’s another. The concept of denial, in my world, seems to be only one thing: homosexuality. This is not what this is about. I don’t believe I am gay, but my mind might tell me otherwise. When your mind is easily manipulated by something out of your control, past emotions could be clouded, situations could be molded. As confident as you are one minute, some slight degree of change, a stupid remark, a gesture, might send everything out of wack.

Let’s establish one thing. I’m not well, mentally. Who is, really? Is this really such a bold statement? There’s one thing I’d like established. I am, or have been for the past several years, focused on psychology…not professionally or scholastically…more on a casual level. I’ve been interested in the inner workings of peoples’ minds, watching how they work, and most importantly, spending way too much time in my own head.

What happens if one day you might discover that everything you’ve been telling yourself or you’ve been believing is unreliable, that you’ve been following a very unstable source. It’s both a blessing and a curse, because on that day you were able to give it a name: obsessive compulsive disorder.

It’s partly exciting, and party frightening. The symptoms are all there. Yeah, most people would read some article by a psychologist and start to believe “hey, this is me,” but it’s a different story when what you’re reading has already been written in your own journal for some time. It never had a name before. Well, it did, loosely…I called it “perfectionism.”

I remember exactly when I named it. I remember exactly what I wrote, because I’m looking at it right now. Written on the back cardstock piece to my pocket-sized notepad are the words Perfectionism controls my life, with – 6/8/04 written underneath. I was sitting on the steps to The Crowbar in State College, PA, a few hours before I would perform as a member of the improv troupe The Comedy Whorehouse.

My pet has always been around…as I search for examples, I have difficulties coming up with solid evidence, because it was all routine. To me, it would be as normal as breathing. For me to feel like this was an abnormality would be, well, abnormal, because this was my reality. Other pieces of evidence are in the differences between my philosophy and actions. While I would spend an absurd amount of time paying attention to detail in, say, a piece of work, the signs are more apparent in my overall thought process and behavior.

Once you name it, a few of your thought patterns come to the surface. You get that lightbulb and realize it’s a problem. I guess a lot of the evidence is clear in my many projects started and abandoned, mostly due to my extreme attention to detail, self-pressure, and realization at one point that if it doesn’t come out perfect, it’s not worth continuing. This is why I never finished those songs, this is why stories start and abruptly end, this is why I don’t try, because for one, there’s probably a thousand other people already doing it and better than I ever could, and two, I might fail.

That’s a huge part of my problem: fear of failure. This comes in many flavors. When you think of fear of failure, the most common examples are pretty much true. That’s a very straight forward statement. The more abstract ideas behind these would involve such concepts as being made to look foolish, such as making a stupid face, performing a foolish physical act, being lied to. Not having control over circumstances which I literally have no control over, such as the way somebody perceives me. I attempt to control that by censoring myself, by hiding things, by judging my every move to try and gauge what other people are thinking about me.

By this point, I’m somewhat proud of myself. I’m still typing, I haven’t stopped and decided to go back and delete everything I’ve written. At times I would censor what I would say online on such a page like this for fear that my family might read it and…well, I don’t know. I don’t really have an answer as far as what they would do. In my mind, it would be some sort of something negative. Negative in the sense that they would be concerned or upset or think I’m completely insane. Enough hiding that.

In my head, there’s this belief that people would think I’m insane. There’s this belief that people would be afraid of me. There’s this belief that if someone I know read this, they would think I’m completely fucked up and not want to deal with me. There’s this belief that people that don’t really know me and are passing through or perhaps considering knowing me would think twice about continuing.

And then there’s me. I’m fascinated and intrigued by people who embrace psychology. I relate better to those who are depressed, to those who sit and think more than they talk, to those who don’t strive to be some extremely socially active becon. I think it makes people more interesting. All that fun inner turmoil. The realization, “wow, we’re fucking insane.”

So here I am…I’m coming out. No, not as a homosexual, but as an insane, depressed being who (believes he) suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder, or more specifically, obsessive compulsive personality disorder. There’s a great article on it here. I read that with wide-eyed awe, as it nearly line for line described me, and gave me a name for that voice in my head. It sucks to have a problem, but it’s great to have a name for it, because that’s the first step of fixing the problem.

The end.